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Monday, August 24, 2009

Bisaya jokes 2 - August

Pari: Muapil ka sa Army of God ?
Juan: Member naku ana, Padre .
Pari: Ngano wla man ka sa misa permi ?
Juan: Secret Agent man gud koh pader .!
Pari: Atay rah !
bisdak, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisaya,
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Lawyer: Who stabbed you?
Client: Mahimo binisay-on imo pangutana, Sir?
Judge: Interpreter, translate the question.
Interpreter: Kinsa kuno si Tabyo?
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In the Paradise of Eden;

EVE: Adam, do you really love me?
ADAM: Gaga! Naa pa ba diay lain!?
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KINSAY MAS BRAYT?

Bata: Kinsay mas brayt Pa, ang Amerikano o Pilipino?
Amahan: Mas brayt ang Amerikano Dong, kay ang mga bata didto sa Amerika, gagmay pa gani, maayo na kaayo mo-ininglis.
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Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel.
I will spell his name foneticali, Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io, and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport agen, B as in Because, A as in airport agen, N as in enemy, Q as in Cuba, U as in Europe, E as in important, and L as in elephant.
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anak nangayo ug money para pang Dota.....

Anak: Ma, ngau ta kug 500
Mama: Unsa? 400? Dakoa pud anang 300!
bisdak, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisaya,
unsaon mana nimong 200?.

Abi nimog saun ra mangitag 100?

50 gani lisod kitaon.

20 pa kaha?.....

niay 5 oh!.......

nice strategy!
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Si Meyor ug Pito nya ka mga konsehal nangadto sa usa ka imnanan/hubo2x....
sa wala pa sila nka sulod, nabasahan nila ang karatola na naga-ingon.....
" BELOW 18 NOT ALLOWED " ...

Meyor : ATRAS!...Di nalang ta madayun.
Mga konsehal : Ngano man Meyor?
Meyor : Walo ra ta!...
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Teacher: Unsay dapat buhaton kung maglinog?
Juan: Magsuga, mam!
Teacher: Ha? Ngano man?
Juan: Maglinog man sa among payag kada gabii man. Inig pasiga nako sa suga, muundang dayon ang linog!

discretion::::::
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Teacher: Class, pagdala mo ug chip ahoy ha.
Student: Mam may “s” to and spelling maam…
Teacher: Ah, sorry. Chip ahoys!
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Teacher: What is ur name?
Student: Dell.
Teacher: What is ur old?

intawon nibudlat ang mata sa student kay wa to sa lesson
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Inday gikan nag pa check-up sa doktor

Ma'am: Inday unsa na may balita sa imong check up?
Inday : grabe ma'am kay kanser man
Ma'am: Ha, kanser unsa man imong balak karon?
Inday : Ay ako na lang pahibalu-on si ser kay kan' Ser man ning bata.

bisdak, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisaya,
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Monday, August 10, 2009

Bisaya jokes 1 - August

Gitudluan sa akong sister kung unsaon siya pagtawag sa akong 2-year-old na pag-umangkon.
bisdak, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisaya,
Sister: Mommy Nene lagi. Dili kay Nene lang. Sige, sunod nako ha. Mo–mmy. Ikaw.
Bata: Mo–mmy.
Sister: Ne–ne.
Bata: Ne–ne.
Sister: Mo–mmy Ne–ne.
Bata: ‘My Ne–ne.
Sister: Very good. Sige, tawaga daw ko beh.

Bata: Psssst!
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Colegiala inside passenger jeepney. Covering her mouth with a very dainty hanky. She appears really sossy and sophisticated. Guy beside her trying to start a conversation.

Guy: Taga-Sanjo (San Jose) ka miga?
Colegiala: (irked, almost shouting): Of course ba?

(Nisiga ang mata sa passengers. Quiet chuckles ensued.)
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In a youth gathering:

Guy 1: (catching his breath) Hahahaha! du^! Ay na sig katawa du^! Di na ko kaginhawa du! Hahaha!
Guy 2: Gi lang du^! Tagaan lang tikag mouth to mouth breath!
Guy 1: HAHAHA! Bogo! Unsay mouth to mouth breath? Mouth to mouth RECITATION na oi!
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bisdak, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisaya,
Me: Bai, naa lagi leak ang elbow sa tubo nga gitaod.
Plumber from MCWD: Factory effect na, sir.
Me: Factory defect siguro na, bai.
Plumber: Dili, sir, factory effect gyud na cya.
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Ang akong 3 years old na pag-umangkon, iya jud gipugos ang akong Auntie mo tan-aw ug TV.

Bata: Ma, tan-aw na lagi ta TV ba kay Lobo na.
Auntie: Unsa ba na ang Lobo ba?
Bata: Kana gud mahimo ug dog ang babaye.
Auntie: Kinsa man na ang artista diha?
Bata: Si Angel Locsin.
Auntie: Unya, kinsa iya pares?
Bata: Si Lolo Pascual.
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Nadawat nga text message gikan sa trabahante sa akong amiga nga gisugo papalit ug ticket para Bohol:

“Helo mam okey na mam alas syes sa bontag man adto sa pear ono mam back and port nato mam unya inig abot nato sa tagbilaran adto lang pa bock didto mam ang teket to a ni elvi mam alas sayes mam.“
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Girl 1: Sa imong tan-aw, naa pa siya’y na-feel sa ako?
Girl 2: He do! He do!

hahahahahha mao na jud ni!
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bisdak, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisaya,