Translate

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Bisaya jokes 1 December

nagaway sila bungi og opaw!!!! kay si bungi ang nag una-unsa.
bisaya, binisaya, bisdak, bisaya jokes
bungi: ka silaw sa adlaw oyy!!!
opaw: ayy!!! ang bungi nagpa dungog-dungog.
bungi: silaw gyud kaayo.grabe gyud.!!!!
opaw: bitaw!!!silaw gyud,tan-awa imong simud nagliki sa kainit.!!!
====================================================

nakit an sa ko barkada ang IYANG ex-BOYFRIEND ... ge pangutana sya sa iyang ex-boyfriend NA ... love pa ba kaha ko nimo?? gi butang sa iyang ex-boyfriend ang kamot sa ako barkada sa doghan...gi sagpa bitaw sa sa ko barkada kay NAA NAY BOOBS ANG INATAY!!!!
=====================================================
Inahan: Daghana og lung-ag, apila ang iring ug iro..
Anak: OK, Ma.
.
(pagkataud-taud)
.
Inahan: hoi Inatay! Nganong duna’y iring sa nilung-ag?
Anak: Apil gani unta ang iro, wala lang jud masud..
=====================================================
Lets learn japanese!

rice-HUKARA,
...lubi-KAGURA,
pagka0n-KUTSARAA,
cute-AKURA,
pangit-GABASA

Ehehe
=====================================================
bisaya jokes, bisaya, binisaya, bisdak
Manager: Dawat kana. unang buwan nimo nga sweldo Php.5k. After 6 mos. 15k na.
Applicant: sir tenk yu kaayo! Sir, after 6 mos. Na lng ko sulod?? Hahaha...
=====================================================
anak: tay.. tay... Urine Test nako ugma...
tatay: ahw... maayo na nak
anak: unsa man buhaton nako ana tay??...
tatay: bulok... unsa pa man diay??? pag study na didto
=====================================================
grabe ang ilongo kon manghagad og kaon "KAON TA ANAY"
kng d ka mo sogot ingnon ka "KAON KA BALA"
unia ug mo sugot ka "CGE KAON TA-E"
nia kng nagkaon nka ingnon ka "KAON KA BALA"

...hahaha...unsa man gyud???
=====================================================
Boy: Naay pilok natagak oh! Make a wish dayon.
Girl: Sana magkaroon ako ng maraming wishes!

Tentenenen......

Natagak tanang pilok! :D
=====================================================

Nanay: Hagbong na sad ka??? Ngano di man nimo sundon si Pedro. Permanente honor!
Anak: Unfair sad kaayo nay kung imo ming ikompara.
Nanay: Kay ngano man?...
Anak: Bright baya to iyang inahan.

hahahaha

bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak
=======================================================

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Jingol Bells...ilonggo version

Naglisud na jud ko ngita bisaya jokes da...sige kani ilonggo version sa jingle bells. Merry Christmas sa inyong tanan...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Bisaya jokes for you

Dia nakapangita ko pero ambot kungbag-o ba ni..anyway enjoy the bisaya jokes..salamat sa tanan nga bisita.
=======================================================

BATA: Pa2x,naay man0k sa kusina dli magpabugaw..
PAPA: hadloka dong!
BATA: Hala ka manok!naay kalaha dha!!

=============================================================

si juan nangutana sa iya papa

juan: pa, mas bright mo
papa: oo
juan: pa, kinsa ang gahimo sa microsoft?
papa: si bill gates
juan: ana ka mas bright mo, ngano di man ang papa ni bill gates ang gahimo sa microsoft ?

====================================================

‎3 kah vampire nisod ug bar ug ni order

v1: ahmmmm fresh blood lang ako behwaiter:

waiter:ok heres your fresh blood

v2:dugo-dugo lang ako beh kay kuwang ako kwatra kung mag fresh bolld pah koh!!

waiter: w8 for ah minute giluto pah ikaw sir unsa man imo???

v3:tubig init lang ako beh kay nakapunit kug napkin mag tea lang ko...........lolxD‌ bisaya jokes, bisaya, binisaya

======================================================

Kinutlo sa basahon ni EMPERADOR BRANDY kapitulo GENEROSO
BEERsikulo KULAFO hangtod REDHORSE...
.
Ang tawo nga dili mosubay sa matarong nga dalan.....
."HUBOG".. . oH yeah!.

=======================================================

Ang TAGAY murag salida..

Kung naay Mohilak, DRAMA.
Kung naay Magsumbagay, ACTION.
Kung naay Mangatawa, COMEDY.
Kung naay Mawa, SUSPENSE.
Kung naay Moligid, HORROR.
Kung naay Magchula, ROMANCE.
Kung naay Magkwarto? Aw wai lain, SCANDAL nana.
Nya kung manguli na ang tanan,

Aw THE END! :D

==========================================

usa ka foreigner nasakpan sa CITOM naay traffic violation.

CITOM: (nag gunit ug ballpen ug ticket, pinaisog) name sir!
FOREIGNER: Wilhem Voncorgrinzksy Scwerpavacovitz
CITOM: ahhh... cge next time, be careful ha....

=======================================================

Selboy: Lo, sa tanang mga lolo ug lola kamo ra jud ang sweet kaayo.
Lolo: Nganong nakaingon man ka ana dong?
Selboy: Gatusan na gud mo katuig nag-uban pero hangtod ron honey pa gihapon inyo tawagan.
Lolo: Ayaw saba dong. Secret lang nato. Nakalimot man gud ko sa ngalan
sa imong lola.

============================================

SINGING CONTEST..

1st contestant: Akong kantahun "dahong laya"
2nd contestant: Akong kantahun "d falling leaves"
3rd contestant: Dli ko mukanta!
Judges: Nganu man..?
3rd contestant: manilhig nalang ko kay daghan sagbot!

======================================================
bisaya jokes, bisaya, binisaya

Bisan Sa Damgo Lang--Cebuano Classic Love Song

Naglisud nako ug pangita ug mga bisaya jokes, so kani lang usa karon mga amigo ug amiga..mangita usa ko.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Corny Bisaya jokes for October 2010

Sa mall of Asia naay foreinger na nag shopping ug mga
tshirt, tapos gi duol daun cya sa usa ka bisayang dakong
saleslady

Foreigner: How much is this hatton shirt miss?
SalesladyWa katubag) ahhh, uuuhmmmmm
Foreigner: how much is this?
Saleslady: wait sa sir, ill think the match first! (nag huna2x kng unsa pasabot sa amerikano)
Foreigner: How much?
Saleslady: Yes is it is no match for our bokser manny pakyaw sir, hatton no much(match) with
manny pram gen san sir.
bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak
===================================================

ANAK: Tay, tinuod ba ang " FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES" ?
TATAY: korek! ka jan nak! tan-awa nang imong NANAY hantud karon wala pajud namatay ang ANIMAL!!
===================================================

Mare 1: Grabe na jud ko ka kalimtanon oi, misaka gani ko ug hagdan, mo-hunong ko kay malimot ko kung paingon bako taas o sa ubos.
Mare 2: Ako? Simbako lang...(with matching knock 3 times on wood), dili jud ko limtanon. Excuse me sa ha kai murag naay nanuktok!!!
===================================================
Discretion is advised:
bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak
After sex with a college girl...
Mayor: Hmmmmm how much?
Girl: P200 pesos lang sir.
Mayor: What? how can you live with P200 pesos?
Girl: Ay sir, sideline ra ni nako, blackmail man jud ako business...bantay ka ni mam ha?
===================================================
Kapayason 1: pre, grabe kau na akong papa.. kabalo ka anang Pacific Ocean? sya nag kalot ana!!!
Kapayason 2: layo rana sa akong papa pre.. kabalo ka anang Dead Sea? sya nag patay ana!!
===================================================
Discretion again:

ADIK: will u marry me?
BURIKAT: YES! i do! madawat ra nimo nga naa koi past?
ADIK: cge lang.. wala man sad koi future..
+++++++============================================

GF: Leche ka! kit-an taka naa kuyog ug nag holding hands pamo! kiss daun! gi binuangan rako nimo..
BF: nah! basta.. wala jud taka binuangi.. kato akong kauban ako gi binuangan.
===================================================

bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak

Kani bisaya jud

hahahahahahhaha here is "Too much love will kill you bisaya version" Enjoy lang mga bisdak...


Man the voice is really great! Bisaya rules!

Halina I will kill Ayg lakaw! hahahahhahaha Si Tomas nahimong Ate Shaw!
bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Di ni Bisaya jokes

Di ni bisaya jokes karon ha.. Here is one of my favorite comedians Michael V...Churang Cuneta hahahahahahah makalingaw jud ning tawhana uy and a real talented guy.



bisaya jokes, michael V, churang cuneta, binisaya

Monday, September 27, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

Bisaya jokes 01 - September

Gikan ni sa http://jokenajoke.blogspot.com
bisdak, bisaya, bisaya jokes, binisaya,

uSa ka adlaw niana,
nisakay ko ug JEeP
ny nahibulong ko
nGa tanang Pasahero nitutuk nko
ning suway ko tunol sa akong plete
peru di nila kab.uton....

unya taud2x. . .


gihung2ngan ko sa babaye:


"Amo ning gipakyaw! amaw!

================================================

Juan: Pre, maau naQ sa spelling
PEDRo: Cge be, spell "ORANGE"
jUAN: hehe! libugon jd q nmu pre..unsa nga orange, ang prutas o ang color?

..hehe, y lingaw

===============================================

sa usa ka layo nga baryo:

bata: tang, asa man paingon ni nga dalan?
lolo: ambot dong, sukad2 wala man ko kakita nga nilakw ng dalana.
bisdak, bisaya, bisaya jokes, binisaya,
===============================================

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Pacman the bisdak

The greatest bisdak Ever!



bisaya, binisaya, bisdak, bisaya joke

Monday, August 9, 2010

Bisaya jokes 01 - August

Tindera: Tag 15.
Tikla: Dara akong kwarta oh!
Tindera: Thank you dai.
bisaya, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak,
...Pag-uli sa ila...

Tikla: Nay, unsa diay na ang "Thank you"?
Nanay: (wa sad kasabot og eninglis): Kuan gd nak, kanang baho'g ilok!

Sa kalagot ni Tikla, gibalik niya ang Tindera...

Tikla (naglagot): Pila ni inyo itlog?
Tindera: Tag 5.
Tikla: Dara akong bayad oh!
Tindera: Thank you.
Tikla: MAS LABAW PA KANG THANK YOU!!!

=====================================================
TEACHER: Ok class, draw your favorite animal.

Paglabay sa pila ka minuto, ning-pass na ang mga estudyante sa ilang tagsa2x ka drawing...

TEACHER: Juan, unsa man ni imung drawing? Blanko man lge ni?!
JUAN: Baka na maam oi, nga nikaon og sagbot! Nahurot na lang ang sagbot maong wa kai nakitang sagbot!
TEACHER(nasuko): Unya, ...asa man ang baka ani??!
JUAN: Ninghawa na maam kay nahurot na baya ang sagbot! duhhhh!! Common sense gud maam! Common sense bisag gamay!!
bisaya, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak,
======================================================
inday1: day, kuyugi ko be kay mangita kog ka chat karon sa internetan..
inday2: manglaba paman ko unya day oie..
inday1: koyugi ko kay mas kamao man ka mo english kay sa nako.
...
SA INTERNETAN:

inday1:kani, dai makadagit na jud kog amerikano karon
inday2: cegeg tabi oi, ingni na kuno na ug hi..
inday1:(ni chat sa amerikano) hi
inday2: nawa mo baws mana ug hello
amerikano: hello beautiful, can i see your tits?
inday1: biliba gyud nimo day oi, kabalo man ka mo ingon sya ug hello, nya ingon pa jud gwapa ko, pero usa maning tits day?
inday2: ai mo tan.aw daw sya sa imong ngipon, bogo.a sad anang amerikanoha oie..di kabalo mo spelling. Plural na gani nang tit butangan pa jud og s..
======================================================

studyante: noy, plete oh.
driver: asa gikan.
studyante: gikan nako.
driver: asa padong.
studyante: padong nimo bogo!
======================================================
Pedro: Naglain man ako paminaw pag human nako og kaon sa kinhason uyy..
Juan: Unsa man diay color sa unod sa kinhason pag abri nimo?
Pedro: HALA! Abrihan pa diay ?


bisaya, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak,
======================================================

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Bisaya jokes 01 July

Naay duha ka buang ug usa ka doctor. Ang usa ka buang nalumos ug giluwas sa usa ka buang..
bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak
Doctor:"but-an kayo ka dong kay imong giluwas ang imong kauban pero wa kay swerte kay nag hikog siya..
Buang(naghilak): "wala man to siya naghikog, ako ra man to siya gibitay para ma-uga..!
=======================================================

Pare 1: Pre, dakoag ngisi nimu gud?
Pare 2: Nagdamgo ko gabie pre! Nagkuyog kuno ta!
Pare 1: Nya unsa may naa ana?
Pare 2: Wa ra gud! GIKILIG RA KO!

wahahaha! :D
====================================================
Mama: (knock knock)
Anak: Who's there?
Mama: Mama nimo!
Anak: Mama nimo who?
Mama: Leche! Ablihi ko uy! Pa-who who pa ka diha!! Bunalan tika ron!!
====================================================

BF: Naa koy ihatag nga gift sa imo, pero tag-ana sa kung unsa!GF: Sige, gai ko ug clue...
BF: Kinahanglan ni sa imong liog....
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Dili... LUGOD!!!
====================================================
Teacher: what s d capital of d phils?Chinese
Student: mam, kahit ako intsik, ako alam pilipinas,pilipinas, wala capital, pulo utang! ahahahha...
====================================================
Jinggoy: Tay, nganong nagsul-ob ka og duha kabuok jacket samtang namintal
Erap: Ingon man gud ang directions nga Use 2 coats for best results!
====================================================
juan: bai anus.a imung birthday?
pedro: july 9 juan: unsang tuiga?
pedro: kada tuig..bugok! alangan naman sometimes!
binisaya, bisaya jokes, bisdak
====================================================
Maestra: Class, our lesson for today is Tagalog. Juan, use "ng" in a sentence. Gamitin ang salitang "ng" sa wastong pangungusap.
Juan: Maayong gabii, Nang.
====================================================
ANg bana nitok2 sa pultahan:
Mr:Luv abot nko! ablihing pultahan!
Mrs: dko. wla koy gisuot. naghubo ko.
Mr: Ok rah. wla btaw koh uban.....Mrs: ikaw wla. ako naa!

====================================================
Buta nisakay ug taxi

Driver: Kahibalo ka sa direction nga buta ka man?
Buta: Ayawg kabalaka katoltol ko. Nakahibalo ko nga naa na ta sa Guadalupe kay naninimaho nang mangga.
...
Driver: Sakto ka. Katoltol gyud diay ka.
Buta: Karon naa na ta sa may simbahan kay nanimaho nang kandila.
Driver: Sakto gihapon ka. (Paglabay nila sa tindahan ug bulad.)
Buta: Good evening! ladies.
====================================================

WARDEN: karong adlawa, kamong tnan naay BAG-ONG BRIEF!
PRISO: Yeheeey! pagka buotan ba lamang ni warden oi!
WARDEN: Ok..Selda A and Selda B.....EXCHANGE BRIEF!
====================================================
anak: nay gipa.tumbling ko sa skwelahan ganiha
nanay: gaga,gusto ra nila makit.an imung panty!
anak: kahibawu ko,mao bitaw ahu gitaguan sa bag akong panty
====================================================
naay usa ka bata ga lakaw hacng ga guyod ug
kariton sulod iya mga gamit.habang ga lakaw sya, sge pud sya
pamalikas..sa dhang naay padre nga iya na agi-an..
padre: dong ngano man ka sge pamalikas? kbalo ba ka nga naa ang gino-o bisag asa
unya makadungog sya nimo.
bata: bug.at man gud ning buanga ni oi! ..tinuod ka nga bisag... asa ra ang ginoo padre?
padre: uu dong
bata: naa sya sa akong kariton?
padre: uu
bata: awww pisteh ingna sya nga kanaog oi! mao diay bug.at kaayo ni!

bisaya jokes, bisdak, binisaya

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Labaw pa sa bisaya

This is funny for me. Labaw pa ni sa bisaya ba. Kaya ka?



bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak, binisaya

Friday, July 9, 2010

Bisaya playing great piano

Here is a friend's arrangement in piano of the song "The will of the wind".. bisdak baya ni siya..kuyaw kaayo talent ba.. mao ni ang mga bisaya ug bisdak!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Bisaya jokes 03 June

hahahahhahahahha bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak, binisaya




ok ah secret tanan hehehhehehehe bisdak, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisaya

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Bisaya jokes 02 june

bisdak, binisaya, bisaya jokes, bisaya,
Dok
: Mam, naa man diay ka breast cancer.
Pasyente : Ha? taka ka diha dok uy, I'm healthy! I'm healthy! Basig naa pa kay lain option dok?
Dok : Bati pa jud ka ug nawong! tuo ka o dili?
====================================================================

TEACHER: Class, use DERMATOLOGIST in a sentence.
JUAN: DEAR MA, TOLO DIYES na karon ang itlog sa manok, upat diyes kung gagmay.
:

TEACHER: Juan…get out!!!!!!!!!
====================================================================

Anak : Tay, magpalit ta ug de lata tay.
Tatay : Anak, ayaw ra gud pag'ingon ug de lata kay mura ka ug taga bukid ana.
Anak : Aw, unsa man diay na tay?
:
:
Tatay : KANGGUDS!
bisdak, binisaya, bisaya jokes, bisaya,
===================================================================

Baye : Dok, unsa may akong buhaton na niwang man ko kaayo?
Dok : Pag'maintain lang ug 3 meals kada adlaw day, tapos after 1 month, balik ka diria sa ako.

(after 1 month, nibalik ang babae sa doktor)

Dok : Hoy! Naunsa na man hinuon ka na perte naman hinuon nimong niwanga!
Baye : Alangan dok, nag'ingon man ka na mag'maintain ko ug 3 ka lalaki kada adlaw.
Dok : Nabuang nah! Kaon akong pasabot dili lalaki! Kinsa may dili mag'niwang ana labi na ug makasugat ka ug lalaki na dagkug karga!

ay yay yay!
===================================================================

Pasyente : Dok! naga'cremate pa ba mo ug patay diri?
Dok : Oo, pero 30 thousand amo singil.
Pasyente : Ha? Unya kay 15 thousand ra mani akong dala na kwarta dok?
Dok : Puede man gihapon, i'half cook lang na nato. Ikaw na lang human sa inyong oven.


halaka uy! hahahahhahahaha!
bisdak, binisaya, bisaya jokes, bisaya,
===================================================================

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

bisaya jokes 01 june

Kaning mga bisaya jokes gikan kay Nash Deligero sa iyang blog :

http://requestqbeh.blogspot.com/

====================================================================
Pedro : Miss papalita ko ug KUKS...
Tindera : (hehehehe) grabi pud ng KUKS.. hehe... KUK mana siya kuya uy...
Pedro : Aw. hehehe... naA mo ana? palit ko beh.
Tindera : Unsa may imo ET's ON or TWELBZ ON?
=====================================================================

Titser : kitang tanan descendants ta ni ADAN & EVA.
Juan : d na tinuod mam uy, ingon ni tatay descendants daw ta sa UNGGOY!
Titser : juan, wa man ta maghisgot diri sa imong pamilya!

=====================================================================
Boy1 : Bai, itom man kaayo ka sa una bai, pero karon puti na man kaayo ka! unsa may sekreto nimo bai??

Boy2 : aw sayon rah! Wala ra naq gitambalan aq ap-ap bai! hek3....

=====================================================================
Tatay : Bogo ka anaka ka! Tan'awa ng card nimo puro F and nakabutang!!! FAILED KA!!!! BAGSAK KA! BAGSAK KA!

Anak : Pataka raman ka diha tay uy! FASAR man tawon ng F sa CARD... bogo jud!
=====================================================================
bisaya jokes, bisaya, binisaya, bisdak
Nagpa-blood test si Jose.... Gikuha-an xa ug sample sa nurse..... kay wala may coton, gisup'sup sa nurse ang tudlo niya...

Ingon ni Jose : Magpa'Urine test nalang pud ko daUn mam... hehehe
=====================================================================

Cus2mer : AyoOoO! papalita ko ug safeguard!!!!!!!!
Tindero : Ayaw cgeg syagit syagit dihaA dong kay di ko bungol! Unsa man na simkard? Globe o Smart?
=====================================================================

Carlo : hoy yaku! nganung cge man ka ug katawa diha?
Yaku : hehehehe... kabalo naq sa imo pin number. hehehe...
Carlo : unsa man aq pin number b?
Yaku : upat ka asterisk... hehehe
=====================================================================

Monday, May 31, 2010

I've been away from Pinas for awhile. I thought niadto nga ang mugawas sa pinas ug mupuyo sa ubang nasud would make akong kinabuhi really happy. Well, malipayon man ko diri, lahi ra jud kung diha ko sa pinas. maayo man ang kinabuhi dir compara sa pinas. mapalit nako tanan akong kahinanglan. Mga butang nga mga adunahan ray makapalit diha sa pinas kay ako pud mapalit. trabahuan lang ug usa ka bulan mapalit na. pero lahi ra jud kung diha jud unta sa pinas. bisaya, bisdak, bisaya jokes, binisaya

Ang usa sa akong mga gikamingawan diha kay ang kalipay sa mga tawo maskin lisud ang kinabuhi. Ang pagngisi maskin way makaun. Ang pagkatawa sa mga simpleng butang. Ako gikan sa probinsiya ug ang mga simple nga mga butang maoy makagaan sa kinabuhi. Diay usa ka video nga gipada sa ako. ambot kung asa ni gikan ug kang kinsa. Ang Title ani is "Fiesta Sulucan". nalingaw tawon ko sa pagtan-aw ani. Mingaw na nuon ko sa pinas. kaning video dili akua gipada lang ni sa ako. Kung inyo mani palihug ingon nako. bisaya, bisdak, bisaya jokes, binisaya


video

Friday, May 14, 2010

Bisaya kaayo ang agi ani

Aguy murag naglisud na jud ko pangita ug mga jokes nga bag-o da...kani lang usa inyo karon. I love the show bubble gang. Here's one of the videos they have of the show. Di ni bisaya ha..ang agi lang ani bisaya jud kaayo.





bisaya, bisaya jokes, bisdak, binisaya

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Mga bisdak nga litrato

Dili ni akong mga litrato ha. These pictures are not mine. They have been attached to an email sent to me. Ang uban dunay mga marks where they come from. Bisaya kaayo ang agi aning mga litratoha ba. bisaya jokes, bisaya, binisaya



This is from Himantayon.com .... perteng basaa sa bisaya uy.



Kani bisaya ni nga puyo sa manila siguro.



kani ambot kung bisdak ni siya. Agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!



Kani bisaya jud siguro ni ba.


================================================
bisaya jokes, bisaya, binisaya

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Dear tech support - di ni bisaya ha

The following is not mine. This has been taken from http://palamuot.blogspot.com/2010/01/wife-10-tech-support.html Please visit this blog too. ok na nga blog makalingaw pud. Nahutdan nako ug mga bisaya jokes mao ni nga ga post nako "ug uban pa". This is para sa mga two nga computer geeks.

bisaya, bisaya jokes, binisaya jokes, bisdak, geeks, geek
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot
of space and valuable resources. No mention of this
phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches during system
initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and
Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever
selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going
back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this
program.

Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks, Joe


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to
a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be
able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to
emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
bisaya, bisaya jokes, binisaya jokes, bisdak, geeks, geek
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files
from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0
because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under
"Warnings-Alimony/Child Support."

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must
assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,
regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter
the command
C:\ APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately
you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system
will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take
the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high
maintenance.

Consider buying addition software to improve the performance of Wife
1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any
circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.


bisaya, bisaya jokes, binisaya jokes, bisdak, geeks, geek

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Boys over flowers bisaya version

Ambot ani kay pati mga pinoy diri sa laing nasud nabuang aning mga korean nobelas..dia ang usa ka part sa bisaya version sa boys over flowers. Ang uban tua sa youtube.

bisaya jokes, bisaya, binisaya, bisdak




bisaya jokes, bisaya, binisaya, bisdak


================================================

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Mga bisayang dako sa 6o's and 70's

Dili ni akoa. Article ni nga circulating in the net and email nga na recieve nako. I am posting this here kay murag makalipay labi na sa mga tawong natawo sa 60's and 70's pares nako and maybe early 80's. Basa ug realize nga ang kinabuhi dili base sa mga butang nga temporal kundi sa mga butang that last a lifetime. please read... you might gain some good insight. bisaya joke, bisdak, binisaya

First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us. While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate Linunod, balikutsa, bukhayo and didn't worry about diabetes.

Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, ang uban kay duyan nga habol gihigtan ug pisi nga inigtabyog ug kusog ma pakong intawon ta sa bongbong.

We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang sa General Milling nga naa'y faded picture nga nag-salute), and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads, wala pa gyu'y brake ang bisikleta.

As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (Bisaya Bus nga pultahan puros ang kilid, Corominas Bus nga senimana ang brake), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (karon kay Minibus na nga nindot kaayo ug sounds or Ceres Bus nga bugnaw ug aircon)

Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (karon, ang mga bata wala na kaila ug Kabaw)

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT bottled mineral water sa Nature Spring or Viva, or Absolute Mineral water (usahay gani, straight from the faucet or poso or Tabay!)

We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this. Or contacted hepatitis.

We ate rice with star margarine, bahaw nga gibutangan ug asin ug mantika sa baboy, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (dili diet coke or Pepsi Max), but we weren't sick or overweight kay......bisaya joke, bisdak, binisaya

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Syatong, Bato-Lata, Bagol, Dakop-Dakop, Tago-Tago, Ngita'g Kaka.

No one was able to reach us all day (wala pa'y uso ang cellphone). And yes, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (katong bearing ang ligid) or Karitong Kawayan nga karaang tsinilas ang giporma nga ligid and then ride down the street , wala ma'y gidungog nga naligsan atoh! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters. ......... ...WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..sakit bai ? pero kung kontra gani nimo ang imong kadula,,,,singgitan lang dayon ug..Mayra,Gabaan!

We played marbles (jolen) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate Pan Bahug-bahug & Bagumbayan (recycled bread man diay to kay wala mahalin!) We were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

We had to live with homemade guns (giporma nga kahoy, gihigtan ug garter ug lastiko) , saplong , tirador ug uban pa nga pwedeng magkasakitay. Pero lingaw gihapon kaayo ang tanan.

We made up games with sticks ( syatong ), and cans ( Bato-Lata )and although we were told they were dangerous, wala man gyud to'y actual nga nabuta bah, bukol lang nuon sa agtang naa.

We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or batoon ug gagmay nga bato ang bungbong, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala pa nang mga childhood depression ug damaged self esteem ek-ek ra na. Ang maglagot, pildi.

Ang mga Ginikanan naa ra sa daplin para motan-aw ra sa duwa sa mga bata, dili para manghilabot ug makig-away sa ubang parents.

That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.

You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.

And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.

It kind of makes you wanna go out and climb a tree, doesn't it?!
bisaya joke, bisdak, binisaya

==================================================

Friday, March 12, 2010

Bisaya jokes 1 - March 2010

Basi na post na nako kaning mga jokes pero i enjoy ra jud gud ninyo uy...ngisi japun..naglisud jud ko ngita mga bisaya jokes uy!
bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak, bisaya
Mare1: ka swerti nimo mare oi. Mga gwapo ug gwapa jud imong mga anak.
Mare2: Nah mare, naningkamot jud kog akoa. Kay ug mag salig ko sa akong bana, ay ambot nalang unsay hitsura!
==================================================
Discretion!

Ilaga nga manyak. Kita ug baka, gijer2x. Kita ug kanding, gijer2x. Kita ug manok, gijer2x. Kita ug baboy, gijer2x lang gihapon. Then kit-an xa sa iring nga nag-baig-id-bag-id xa sa yuta.
Iring: dah tagam ka lagi manyaka ka. Gikatlan ka noon!
Ilaga: ayaw saba jer2x ko hulmigas.
==================================================

2 ka mg amigo:

BOy1: pre ngano ng hilaka ka man?
boy2: huhu kay gibiya.an ko sakong uyab pre.
boy1: aw mao bah? asa man diay paingon emu uyab pre?


=================================================
ANAK: Ma, 18th b-day na nko ugma!, himo-e bya ko ug message ha, knang mkahilak ko.
bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak, bisaya
(Pagka-ugma)

MAMA: Nak! adopted ra bya ka..hapi brthday!

ning-tuwad ug hilak uy!
=================================================
WARDEN: karong adlawa, kamong tnan naay BAG-ONG BRIEF!
PRISO: Yeheeey! pagka buotan ba lamang ni warden oi!
WARDEN: Ok..Selda A and Selda B.. EXCHANGE BRIEF!

hahahahahhahahhaha
=================================================
Sa sementeryo usa ka gabie:

GARD: sus! maryusep..abi kog kalag ka. unsa imong gitiltil sa lapida?
NAGTILTIL: ang amaw! wrong spelling ako pangalan.

Ang kalag sa gard nidagan sa kahadlok!

=================================================
bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak, bisaya

Friday, February 26, 2010

Bisaya jokes 3 - Feb 2010

Unsay may eningles sa saging ma.
Mitubag ang inahan," ardaba"
Mitubag ang bata, " dili uy ingon ni Mam.
Unsa man?
"Banana" tubag sa bata
Ang tinuod Dong ang banana kanang hinog nga saging.
=================================================
bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak
boy: bindesyoni ko padre kai ako nakasala
padre: unsa mai imong sala?
boy: nanglili ko padre
padre: hah!! unya pagkahuman??
boy: naghubo siya sa iyang blouse padre. puti kaayo padre. unya naghukas syaa sa iyang b**.. uhhmm. dako kaayo og b***s padre. unya iya n pod gihubo ang p***y.................
padre: hah!!! (excited kaayo) unya naunsa man?????
boy: na ningkalit man og brown out padre..
padre: letse lage ning meralco.....
==================================================

Babae: nong! Sakay ko!
Driver: cge! Asa man ka?
Babae: diha lang sa kanto! Naay bayad ang bata?
Driver: ay libre lang kay duol man.
Babae: ah, ang mosabak naay bayad?
Driver: wala gihapon!
Babae: sige anak! Sabaka ko…

bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak
==================================================

Monday, February 8, 2010

Bisaya jokes 2 - Feb 2010

Maestra:Class, our lesson for today is Tagalog. Juan, use "ng" in a sentence. Gamitin ang salitang "ng" sa wastong pangungusap.
Juan: Maayong gabii, Nang.
================================================
bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak, binisaya,
Original version: "Do not do unto others, if you don’t want other do unto you."
Bisaya version: "Ayaw mo pag ingun ana, kung mag ingun ana mo ayaw."
=================================================
Discretion please:


Magti-ayon nag sex..
Asawa: Paspasi kay hapit nako!
Bana: ha, hulata ko, dungan ta!
Anak: (nakamata. Nahadlok) nay, asa mo? kuyog ko!
=================================================
bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak, binisaya,
Buloy: Toy,imu man kuno gitug-anan ako uyab nga pisot ko!?
Bit0y: wla Loy oy! ako ra cya ignan nga hapit nka tuli-0n.
Buloy: aw lagi, abi nakog nitug-an ka!
=================================================

Pidro: day, palit nya ko'g sup drengks nga kuks (coke)
Tindera: hala sir, sorry kaayo... wa na mi'y coke. Pepsi nalang...
Pidro: sige, kana nalang...
Tindera: unsa man imo, sir... ets on?...or tuwelbs on? (8 oz or 12 oz)

bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak, binisaya,
=================================================

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

bisaya jokes 1 - 2010

asawa : nganong gidala man nimo dre sa balay kanang trabaho nimo
bana : rush man gud ni pangga mao nga gidala ko dre sa balay
asawa : a pisti ba uy ! ikaw ray embalsamador nga nagdala ug trabaho sa balay
bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak,
==================================================
Pasahero: n0y! dha ra [textspelling] ihun0ng tapad anang iro!
Driver: ok sir!
Pasahero: wla mn lage ka ninghun0ng n0y?
Driver: Unsa0n pghun0ng ngcge mn nglakaw ang iro!

==================================================
**Blood donation**

(Mag-uyab ng-away)
BF: wla kay utang kabubot-on, abi kay naulian nka human ka naaksidente, ngdonate pa ko ug dugo nimo pra lng mabuhi ka.. Unya kron kusog nka mangaway. Bawi-on nko tong akong dugo gidonate beh..

GF: i-uli lagih nko pero installment lang.. O, dawata ning Napkin, sakto ky gidugo ko kron..... Modess pa rba na.
==================================================

BANA:Magbuwag ta?!Pastilan wala tay anak...
ASAWA: o,ako pay hadlokon!
BANA:sige tungaon nato ang APLIANCES

"imo ning NIGO ako ning KAGURAN"...
==================================================

Once there was a fr0g.
He jumped into the lake.
nlang0y

nilang0y palau..
layo na kaau ang baki..

ma0 2..
babay baki.. !
hehe
bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak,
=================================================
NAnAy: yAti mAninG kAhimtAnGa, mAGLUng-aG tA, pERmi wAy kAhoy, pAnGAhoy did2 jUAn!
JUAN: sAmok bA nimU nAy oi.. mAnGAhoy btw tAh, imU pUd e.sUGn0d!

haha!..

=================================================

**Sa math class sa school**

Teacher: Juan, kung ako adunay 6 ka anak sa una nga bana, 10 sa ikaduha ug 8 sa ikatulo, sa ato pa, aduna koy?
Juan: PAGKABIGA-ON MAM.
=================================================

**Mag-asawa nag-away**

(suko kaayo ang bana)

Bana: wla nako kasabot aning kahimtanga, pag-uli nako gikan sa trabaho walay linung-ag, walay hinlo ang balay, sige lang ka panirang sa silingan.
Asawa: sori na gud luv.
Bana: Ah! Di na matabang ug sorisori. Di na nako kaya! Mypa mgbulag ta, dad-on nako ning duha nato ka anak.

(nakagawas na sa balay ang bana ug duha kaanak nila, hingkalit ug singgit ang asawa...)

Asawa: hoy! Imo man ng gihurot ug dala ng duha kabata, nga isa ra may imo ana.
bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak,
==================================================

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Cebu dancing inmates - bisaya rules

bisaya jokes, bisaya, bisdak




Filipino, Philippines "Dancing Inmates" from Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC), a maximum security prison, were treated to a visit by Michael Jacksons long-time choreographer Travis Payne and dancers Daniel Celebre and Dres Reid to learn performances from THIS IS IT.

I am proud of this guys...mga bisaya intawon ni doy!

Bisaya, bisdak, bisaya jokes

Monday, January 11, 2010

Bisaya jokes 1 - 2010

Malipayong bag-ong tuig sa inyong tanan mga bisdak, mga bisaya sa kalibutan! Murag nadugay ko ug post ug mga bag-ong bisaya jokes tungod kay na busy ko kaayo ug lisud mangita ug mga bag-ong jokes. Sa pagkakaron kani lang usa Teban and Goliat jokes.

This reminds me of the good old days when I was still young, when dunay oras sa hapon nga maminaw ko ug drama sa radyo uban akong yaya. I remember "Tiya Tirang", " Ang mga mata ni Angelita" ug uban pa. Kaning audio/video nagpahinumdum sa ako anang mga panahuna.




bisaya jokes, bisdak, binisaya,
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++