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Monday, January 27, 2014

Bisaya jokes 4, 2014



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mama: juan,paLit asin!
juan: dLi kO Ma oi kay nGit2x hadLok ko
mama: ayaw kbaLaka naa man imu angeL kauban nimO.
juan: aw’ sya naLng sugu.a Ma..kami pa jud duha para asin ra!
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PEDR0: Bai kanus.a im0 b’day.?
JUAN: march 15
PEDR0: Unsang tu-iga.?
JUAN: Kada tuig! bogo! ALangan na mag sometimes!
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AMO: “Inday, natanggal na ba tong mancha sa akong uniporme?”
INDAY: “O, Sir na tangtang na!”
AMO: “Good! Unsay imong gipangtanggal?”
INDAY: “Gi gunting ra!”
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KULAS nag aaply ug trabaho…
 
MANAGER: “Unsay imong pangalan?”
KULAS: “Kulas Sir.”
MANAGER: “Ok, edad?”
KULAS: “19.”
MANAGER: “Dating trabaho?”
KULAS: “Tricycle drayber Sir.”
MANAGER: “Single?”
KULAS: “May sidecar, Sir.”  hahaha
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BUANG: “Magppakamatay ako, mu ambak ko sa 4th floor!”
DOK TIANGHA: “Unsaun nga kutob ra man ni 2nd floor?”
BUANG: “Puwes,mu ambak ko ug kaduha gikan sa 2nd floor!”
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DINg: “Jane, pa utanga ko og P200 be!”
JANE: “na, P100 ra man ni akong dala.”
DINg: “Ah, sige kana nalang sa P100… … Basta ha, naa pa kay utang sa ako nga P100.”
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DO NOT TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY. YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT OF IT ALIVE - Elbert Hubbard

A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, YOU KNOW, NIGHT. - Steve Martin
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/elberthubb104409.html#075b5OXQxPaJ1qWI.99
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/elberthubb104409.html#075b5OXQxPaJ1qWI.99

Friday, January 24, 2014

Di ni Bisaya joke

Kahibalo ko nga kalingawan ni sa uban, pero akong mga kabisdak di jud ni siya maayo. I know this is fun for some but my fellow bisdak this is not good.

video

This is not mine. It was emailed to me. If it is yours and you want it off this site please message me. Thanks.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Bisaya jokes 3, 2014

 “English is a funny language; that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway.”   -Author Unknown

“The word ‘good’ has many meanings.  For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man.”  - G. K. Chesterton


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PANGHIMANGNO sa mga tao nga
Dili mokaon ug tambok
Dili manigarilyo
Dili mobilar ug
Dili moinom ug bino.
Usa ka adlaw mawad-an rakag mga higala,
Buhi paka,
Patay na sila tanan!

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DONYA : Kay bago man ka dinhi, gusto ko masayod ka nga ang pamahaw
diri alas sais impunto!
MAID : Way problema Nyora! Kung tulog pa ko anang orasa, una nalang
mo ug ka-on!


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PATIENTE: Dok, ngano gasakit man akong dughan kada inom nako ug
coke? Pero kung libre, dili lagi mosakit?
DOK : Ah, kabalo nako ana. Nipis imong baga, pero baga imong nawong !!!

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BOY : Sir, apply unta ko pagka-boy.
AMO : Sige, bahugan nimo ang iro kada buntag ug hotdog, corn beef
ug chorizo
BOY : Kining Sir, apply nalang ko pagka-iro .

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Monday, January 13, 2014

Bisaya jokes 2, 2014


America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks. - Barrymore.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? - Mork, Mork and Mindy

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - Dan Quayle


The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - W. C. Fields.

It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people. - Dolph Sharp

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - See more at: http://itshumour.blogspot.com/2010/06/twenty-hilarious-funny-quotes.html#sthash.PQY85ddy.dpuf
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

5. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

6. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

7. You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

8. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

9. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

10. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.
- See more at: http://itshumour.blogspot.com/2010/06/twenty-hilarious-funny-quotes.html#sthash.PQY85ddy.dpuf
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

5. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

6. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

7. You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

8. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

9. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

10. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.
- See more at: http://itshumour.blogspot.com/2010/06/twenty-hilarious-funny-quotes.html#sthash.PQY85ddy.dpuf
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

5. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

6. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

7. You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

8. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

9. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

10. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.
- See more at: http://itshumour.blogspot.com/2010/06/twenty-hilarious-funny-quotes.html#sthash.PQY85ddy.dpuf
 ======================================================
JOE : Kumusta man ang bakasyon boy ?
BOY : Pait, sabado napiang manok ni tiyo, sud-an namo tinola nga manok..Domingo napiang baboy, sud-an namo litson, kaganina napiang si tiyo, sud-an namo wa na nako gisusi, nikaon ko sa gawas.

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Wife: Milagro, kasayo gud nimo niuli
Huband: Nituman lang ko sa sogo sa akong boss, Ingon
cya "GO TO HELL".. uli dayon ko..

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si botsi ni adto sa iyang barkada sa iloilo kay lagi
bakasyon man,,,, sa dihang ni abot na sila sa balay
tayming nga nanga on ang mga ginikana sa iyan
barkada,,,so gi agda siya sa papa sa iyan barkad,,,
PAPA... DONG BOTSI KAON TA ANAY???murag nalain si
botsi, ti amo na pakan on ka og anay,so ni tubag lang
si botsi,,,SIGE LANG NOY SALAMAT,,so ang mama napod sa
iyang barkada ni agda ni botsi,,MAMA...DONG BOTSI KAON
TA BLAA...soos ni samot og ka lain si botsi ti amo
nang pakan on ka og tabla??? sa sunod kalit og abot
ang ig agaw sa iyang barkada og nag kanayon,,,,DONG
BOTSI KAON TA E??perting laguta ni botsi og wala ka
pogong ni tubag gyod siya og mi ingon,,,,,,,,PART ANG
TABLA OG ANG ANAAAY MAKAON PA PERO ANG TAE DINA!!!!
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 Tagalog vs Cebuano...mas grabe gyud ta!

Kon sa tagalog ang LIBANG nalingaw pa, diri sa ato pwerte nang baho-a!
Kon sa tagalog ang LANGGAM nagkamang pa, diri sa ato naglupad na!
Pero ang pinakagrabe gyud...
Kon sa tagalog ang BUNGI ang ngipon nangatangtang ra (pangag), diri sa ato ang ngabil nangawaksi na!
======================================================
 What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!" 

           ***************
 Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Bisaya jokes 1, 2014



Dear January, 

how is February? Please tell March that April said May will come before June, I heard that July is getting married in August, how about September and her kids? Please send my greeting to October and don't forget to tell November that all our fans reading this will end December in happy mode.

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Anak:Tay, magharos ko karon sa among klase
Tatay: very good,bright gyud ning bata-a. Unsa man nga subject anak?
Anak: kwan Tay cooking, ako ang nagharos sa kamunggay.......
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Tag-iya: Hoy! kawatan,ambak diha! Ikaw diay tig-pangawatsa akong lubi ha!
Kawatan: Kung sakpan gani, sakpan. Di kay mangurat. Ug matagak ko. Ipapriso Taka!
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Pari: Kining puti na kandila maoy dagkutan sa mga dalaga ug ulitawo Arun makakita ug gugma.Pula alang sa maminyo arun molungtad ang gugma. Blue para sa mga bulag na arun makakita ug bag-ong gugma.
Mga Ulay: Kami padre unsa amu dagkutan?
Pari: Pagdagkot lang mo ug katol arun di mo lamukan ug hinuwat sa gugma.

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Apo: Lo mutuo ka sa panultihung 1st love never dies?
Lolo: Oo
Apo: Ngano man ,Lo?
Lolo: Ang-ang tan-awa na imong Lola 1st Love na nako siya hangtod karon Wa pa namatay.
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Naay isa ka buang nga nagkanta samtang naghigda sa kama sa mental hospital…human ug kanta siya mikulob ug mikanta pag-usab…
Nurse: nganong mikulob man ka?
Buang: alangan SIDE B na gud!
Hehehe
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Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.

No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore